You are the hole I dig in the garden

AKA my first post

My favourite show in the history of television is Jim Henson’s the Storyteller, originally aired in 1987 it’s a reimagining of European folk tales. Have you seen it? I beg you, watch it as soon as you’re done reading this, it's a masterpiece*

Here are some highlights: A woman gives birth to a hedgehog. One man tries to steal another man’s legs. A beggar is thrown into a vat of boiling oil. 

“I am Hans the Hedgehog, mummy do you love me? Here I am riding my giant rooster’

The Storyteller features a veritable who's who of UK TV darlings. French and Saunders play the ugly sisters in a hairier version of Cinderella (a version that has incestuous undertones). Miranda Richardson chills as a wicked witch (as a child I was terrified of this character, now I am aroused). Jane Horrocks rides a lion! Then she casts a spell that makes diamonds pour out of a coconut!

And of course, we have the gravel voiced king himself - John Hurt is the Storyteller (RIP). He narrates these tales with a jolly west country accent whilst bantering with his puppet dog. A puppet voiced by Brian Henson, Jim’s son. (The same Brian Henson who played Hoggle in Labyrinth - classic - and Jack Pumpkinhead in Return to Oz. Remember Return to Oz? The number one nightmare machine for a micro-generation. Is it me or is Jack Pumpkinhead a major creep? He is just so needy)

But amongst the surreal delights offered by The Storyteller, one scene from one episode has been rolling around my head these last few days…

The Three Ravens is a story about a wicked stepmother who turns three princes into ravens.

The three princes transmorphing into ravens. HOW WAS THIS A SHOW FOR CHILDREN?

But the princes have a sister - a beautiful princess - who doesn’t get turned into a winged creature. She discovers that if she takes a vow of silence for three years, three months and three days the spell will break and they will return to their human form.

One night, under the soft gaze of the full moon, the beautiful princess walks out into the garden. Her pale skin lit by the silvery light, she wears a black shroud and carries with her a deep sorrow. Not knowing what to do with all her feelings, not being able to express herself and release her emotion with words, she digs a hole in the garden. She scratches and claws at the earth, fingernails dirtied and bleeding.

She then releases a rip roaring scream into the hole.**

Reminding you this was a show for kiddies x

Doesn't it feel good? To purge the troubling feeling; to scream (even whisper?) it out into the world in sonic vomit. Or to share some joyful shriek and hope others howl along.

What I am saying is in this extended metaphor is - I am the screaming princess. And you? You are the hole I have dug in the back garden (thank you!) 

As I write this ‘whacky’ little welcome post (and overthink my use of exclamation marks) I’m thinking a lot about who you are (I know that you are more than a hole).

When I've written things or made podcasts in the past, a lot of the advice blogs tell me to Make a Listener Avatar. 

‘Really go into the details’ these blogs say. ‘Build up a profile of your reader’ - Where does this person shop?*** What's their favourite chocolate bar?**** How often do they text their mum?*****’

Obviously thinking deeply about who reads or listens to your work is essential. The whole point is to connect with someone in a meaningful or entertaining way. But some of the advice blogs I’ve read make the exercise feel a little impersonal. And a little bit um, surveillance capitalism-ey? Or am I overthinking it? I don't know! Tell me please, hole!

I do have an image of you in my mind though. I won't say it (I don't want to be rude). But regardless of who you are, I am really glad that you’re here. You will always be more than a hole to me.

I hope we can laugh and be a little bit weird together in my little newsletter. 

---

*This may be nostalgia talking

**Her screaming doesn't break the vow of silence she took. Why? She literally screamed. This is a plot hole I spotted as an eight year old watching this on VHS. I haven’t had any answers. But no matter! If it's good enough for Jim Henson, it's good enough for me.

***Idk! The only reliable place I can go to is ASOS Curve so I'm not even sure what's out there!

****It used to be Galaxy but now you’ve elevated to anything by green & blacks 

*****Text your mum as often as you like, there are no rules! You are a grown up.